counting the days to insanity.

i've started this post several times. nothing i really liked. i guess it's because i have really nothing to say. i decided to copy paste an email and make a post with it. then i decided i shouldn't. what about the lyrics of a great music. nope. don't know which one. can't choose it. maybe i should get something from a movie. i started with a few lines of comedy movies. but it's not my thing. don't get me wrong. i love sarcasm and a good joke. but what appeals the most are some dramatic lines. gosh. i'm tired of dramas. so i thought about putting my christmas gifts' list. maybe too ridiculous. why should you care about what i want for christmas. actually it's not very much. i could post some stupid meaningless stuff. after all, i do that all the time. but i don't like doing the same. maybe i could pick a pic. but i don't deal good with photos. maybe i should post this blank. it's so not funny. so i give up. (mental pause) i'd like to be in a movie to always say the right thing. in the right time. or maybe i could be a writer and easily i'd get my pen off my jacket and write a few pages while i'm smoking incessantly. i don't even know if incessantly is a word. actually i don't know why i'm writing in english. or why am i writing at all. i'm not even trying to say a thing. i'm just being paranoid. probably it's clinical, so no big deal. and after all why do i need a reason to post in my own blog. what the fuck?! in the moment i need to have a reason to post here, it will be the moment i'll have no blog. it's not about getting respect or rewards here. i'm too much in my own to care about that. back to the post. maybe i should set a few news about what is going on in the world and post them. but it would certainly be unnecessary. i'd be glad if people read a paper or watch the news. who the fuck will be reading them here? btw (not btw, but it doesn't matter), rip and cut is what i want do with the stuff i wrote this afternoon. is this why holidays exist? i could use some school then. gosh i'm getting old. i'm complaining about everything. not even complaining. i just complain when i care about. and it's so not the case here. i don't want to speak, but i do. that what bothers me. i know i shouldn't, but i do. maybe if i think about tags to my messages it will make more sense. and get easier probably. but easy to whom? i'm just making dialogues with the air. it shouldn't get that difficult. okay, i need to post something. maybe something worthless that is just in front of my eyes. "abdul@hotmail.com" quer adicionar voce para sua lista de contato. permitir que esta pessoa veja quando voce está online e contatar voce. hum, no. first, i don't accept strange people. and second, i don't like brazilian speaking. i should get used to it, but i never will. sorry. in the future i'll be the one mistyping. too bad. (pause) i quit, i don't wanna post anymore.